So I wrapped my arm around his neck and spoke, “Kid, you always were this sensitive, even to meaningless things, so I will tell you something. Why don’t you just come with me and even bring darkness? You see, darkness is the most lovely thing that ever accompanied me, so why don’t you also come and join me?”
Hearing my words, his expression looked somewhat changed, and he began to hear my words more nicely: “Because you see, if you are this sensitive, then you won’t be able to live. Besides, you know how things turned out for us. Like, I can’t even say that coming with me will fill that hole inside of you, but I can confirm one thing: that if you come with me, then I can promise you that we both will be living in that hole together while sharing drinks and watching everything until it falls apart.”
Hearing my words, he stared at me in pretty strange manner and he spoke while sobbing a bit but he was sounding as if he was struggling to maintain his composure because in his voice his pain was quite visible and his desire to not show himself weaker “What, you are telling me that if I came with you, then we both would be living together in our emptiness, but why are you making me come out while you are not even coming inside?
You know, over time, it really got nice from here, and even the ground also stopped sinking. There is no smell of burning flesh anymore in here, so why don’t you come and join me here only?”
Hearing his words, I thought for some moments and began to wonder if the things could really be said to be better because he was struggling in here, but the place was quite comfy, and the thoughts began to wander in my own mind, and soon I came up with a thought and spoke, “Well, you are right; this place surely got better, and I can’t deny it, or I can say that even I am loving this place.”
Hearing my words, his eyes started to look much brighter and much more lively, and he quickly started wiping off his face and spoke in disbelief. “You’re telling me the truth, right? You love this place?”
Hearing his words, I gave a warm smile and patted his head and spoke, “Well, surely this place is really comfy, so why wouldn’t I like it? And besides that, it was a place that we both created, and we can’t just leave the things back that we created, right?”
Hearing my words, his eyes started to become more and more lively, and life surely started to rise from his side, and his shackles started to break, little by little. Seeing him this happy, I was also quite happy, and he spoke, “You also love this place, right? Oh fuck, and there I was worrying myself to my bones that you wouldn’t love this place and would suggest leaving it back, but you surely are my still best buddy; we both will always live together, here only!”
Hearing his words, I smiled and spoke, “Well, of course I love this place, and there’s no reason for me to even think about hating it, but you see, how about we also take this place with us only and just live together?”
Hearing my words, his expressions again became darker, his tears again started to rush from his eyes, and the shackles again started to tighten around his neck, and he spoke in a shaking voice, “But you said that you love this place, right? So why are you now suggesting to leave it behind? Were you making fun of me before?”
Hearing his words, I was again reminded that I am walking on a thin ice sheet and a single wrong move could swallow me entirely without even leaving a single thing behind.
So I spoke with quite cheerful expressions. “Well, first thing, of course I said that I love this place because of the memories that I had of this place with you and this darkness. So, second thing, I am not suggesting that we leave this place behind like an abandoned ground and set up our new life and shit; I am not suggesting that.
I am suggesting that why don’t we take this buddy also with us because we only have memories with this buddy in darkness; we don’t have a single memory of the outside area from this darkness, so why should we live here only?
Hearing my words, he looked at me in a pretty puzzled way but was still hearing my words: “Why don’t we move out of our darkness and move freely?” And now the final thing: I wasn’t making fun of you because, you see, you are my most likely first buddy and last buddy, so why would I even think of making fun of you?
So now you tell me, do you like the memories of this place, or are you telling me that you like the area that we never even looked at?”
Hearing my words, his insecurity started to look a bit calming, and I was getting assured that I might win, but soon the ground started to shake, and his eyes started to turn red, and his shackles started to sink deeper in the ground, and anxiety started to become visible on his face. His hands started shaking while his face started to turn pale, as white as possible.
And he started to just stare at me and screamed while gathering every strength of his body, “You stop it. I know you also just want to betray me like all those people in the past. You are making it sound like I am the one who is clinging to something garbage while you feel like an angel when you abandon it. You are nothing but a man who had nothing, who is nothing, and who will be nothing like me!”
Hearing his words and seeing his painful expressions, I placed my arm around his shoulder and hugged him silently and quietly without saying anything, because I understood from this panic attack that this kid wasn’t looking for answers; he just needed a hug to keep him together, so hugging him like this while hearing his sobs was a quite heavy feeling, and seeing him melt in my arms surely was pretty heartwarming.
